The Trouble with Spell Checkers
Pome
1
I have a spelling checker -
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
2
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
3
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
4
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
5
And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
6
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed to bee a joule
The checker poured o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
7
That's why aye brake in two averse
By righting wants too pleas.
Sow now ewe sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear for pea seas!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Write On, Laugh On
HOW TO WRITE GOOD [sic]*
Thanks to: Chani Silverberg for this contribution
My several years in the word game have learnt [sic] me several rules:
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary;
it's highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?
Thanks to: Chani Silverberg for this contribution
*Note: [sic] or (sic) (from Latin sic for "thus") is a bracketed expression used to indicate that an unusual spelling, phrase, or any other preceding quoted material is intended to be read or printed exactly as shown (rather than being an error) and should not be corrected.... from: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SIC
My several years in the word game have learnt [sic] me several rules:
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary;
it's highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?
Friday, January 12, 2007
Where do you stand?
FEET: What do I stand for as a foundation of writing?
STOMACH: What upsets me about writing?
HEART: What do I love about writing?
HANDS: What do I feel about writing?
EARS: What do I hear about writing?
EYES: What do I see about writing?
BRAIN: What do I think about writing?
STOMACH: What upsets me about writing?
HEART: What do I love about writing?
HANDS: What do I feel about writing?
EARS: What do I hear about writing?
EYES: What do I see about writing?
BRAIN: What do I think about writing?
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